Some thoughts on shame and reading.

Two piles of books, one in focus and one blurry, on a pale wood surface.

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Do you ever feel like you don’t read enough?

A while back I innocently started a workshop by asking participants to share a book that changed them. It was so stressful.

Oh gosh, I’m really not that well-read.
I can’t even think of a single book.
I am embarrassed to admit it, but I just read mystery novels all last year.

I adored this! Encouraged it. Declared us the un-book-club.

But, I also felt the ache at the core of the moment.

We all have seeds of shame and fear around reading and writing. One of the hardest things about facilitating creative work is not accidentally becoming a watering can.

Truth is, I’ve never felt like I read enough. I was not the first kid in class to learn. I still read slowly, I distract easily, I have a very hard time with Shakespeare, and I haven’t ticked almost any of the classics off my mental checklist. This feels bad.

But then I think — who decides what’s a “classic”? And why should we all be reading the same books? And why do none of us feel like we’re doing it well enough?

We all have our own rhythms of words in and words out. We all have our own cannons of essential stories. There are so many ways that words can find and shape us. What if we let go of the hierarchy and loved them all?

Of course, challenging books and stories have an important place. I’ve been moving through Connie Walker’s radio work on missing and murdered Indigenous women this year, even though it breaks my heart. This is part of it—I’m not advocating for never pushing ourselves, but for weaving awareness and care into how we take things in, and not letting shame steer the ship, or tell us how well we’re doing.

I want to be proud of how I’m showing up for the stories of the world, which includes not letting them overwhelm me too much.

I want to end the day in wonder at all the words I took in, no matter where they came from.

I want to make my own cannon, follow my own curiosity, and stand up for the library in my head. And I want that for you too.

Here’s another way of looking at this…

We are simple animals. We struggle to keep doing things that feed bad. So what if part of our job is to find acceptance, joy and ease in reading, so that we naturally come back to it?

Let’s read what we want to read today.

The un-book-club has a seat for you.

In it with you,