For the love of comfort zones (and what’s juuuust outside of them).
My dog, Marshall, sunk deep in soft blankets in a cream rattan chair, in his comfort zone.
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Lately, I’ve been thinking about cusps.
Edges. Borders. Margins. That shimmering line where the familiar and the unfamiliar meet, where what we know becomes what we don’t know.
There was a comic going around a few years ago that showed two white circles sitting far apart on a dark background. One was labelled, “Your comfort zone,” and the other was labelled, “Where the magic happens.”
I hated that thing. Every time I saw it, I felt a rush of futility and exhaustion.
The message seemed to be that magic was out there, far, far away; a distant planet you might hope to reach if you go on a long, uncomfortable journey.
I disagree.
I think that when it comes to writing, a comfort zone is a tremendous gift.
It’s an accomplishment to be able to find any comfort in the tumult of creative expression. If you have a form you love to write in, a topic that flows and flows, a writing practice you don’t have to fight — please celebrate that, take pride in it, and hang out there as much as you can.
If you don’t have that space yet, of course. We’re taught that writing needs to be agonizing. We’re taught that we’re not good enough before we begin. Your first step is to look for a scrappy little patch of something like comfort and then see if you can let it slowly grow. Company helps. Small steps too. This is the time for ease, curiosity, and radical self-forgiveness.
Once we have that place, we can start to explore what’s beyond it. That shimmering line. The place where the familiar and the unfamiliar meet, where we can be comfortable and uncomfortable without choosing between them. To me, that’s where the magic happens.
Here’s a thought experiment.
Let’s start with content. What’s easy for you to write about? What tends to come when you start to write? What do you love to talk about, to ask about? When it comes to material, that’s your comfort zone.
Then, what’s way too hard to write about, but you still want to? Too taboo, too personal, too overwhelming? That’s your risk zone. Don’t try to go there yet.
Then, what’s in the middle? Can you feel it? What’s the gentlest risk, the smallest, most take-able step just slightly out of comfort? That’s your edge. And it’s where I think you’ll have the most exciting and sustainable writing experiences.
That’s just content, you can also explore this for writing goals, writing practices… and of course this doesn’t just apply to writing! We can find that edge zone for anything creative — dating, decorating, parenting, travel, friendship, dinner… We can always ask: What’s easy, what’s too hard, and what’s right in the middle?
Two practical things then:
I made you a video! This will walk you through exploring your comfort zone, risk zone, and edge zone in writing right now, and (I hope!) give you some direction for next steps.
We have so many beautiful workshops, to help you find your comfort, and when you’re ready, to walk beside you to your edge.
OK final thought…
There are moments when a pole vault into the unfamiliar can be exhilarating. The comic wasn’t entirely wrong. There is magic out there. But I’m interested in helping you write within the realities of your life. Today.
Leaving our comfort zones is possible, but it’s a choice, not a prerequisite, to making important and beautiful things.
Today, I’m wishing you both ease and exhilaration in the balance that’s right for you.
In it with you,
