Fear, desire, and the joy of a good Push Week — a note from Kim
A top-down view of a wooden table with a striped red runner, laptop, notepad, pen, two tea lights, and a couple of crumpled up pieces of paper.
Hello lovely people — Kim here to talk about fear, desire and Push Week!
First of all — my very-favourite Firefly program is coming up and I want everyone to know.
It’s called Push Week, and it’s all about getting the push we long for to move a project or idea forward. It’s five days, sliding scale, with lots of choice and options built in at every point.
So, what does this have to do with fear and desire?
In my fiction workshops, I often talk about our characters’ desires show us who they are. Knowing what they want uncovers how they make decisions, take actions (or not), and move forward through the story.
A character’s desire for love might make them accept a partner that doesn’t treat them well. Or a desire for the unconditional love of family might make a young orphaned girl try to get a sister and brother to adopt her (where my Anne of Green Gables fans at?)
Maybe because I’m a fiction writer, I often see myself as a character too.
I don’t know about you, but I can build a whole day around my desire for a nap. My desire for community and to be seen has led me here — to Firefly. And I’m so so grateful for that.
So, desire is a way of moving our plot or our lives forward, but it occurred to me not long ago that anytime we’re talking about desire, we’re also talking about fear.
To go back to Anne of Green Gables… Anne’s desire for the unconditional love of a family exposes her fear of being unlovable. When I turn that on myself, my desire for community and to feel understood probably uncovers my fear of being or feeling alone. Not that different.
We all have fears and desires around writing.
The desire to finish, to keep going, to be published, to put something important about ourselves and the world down on paper, to share something intimate… I could keep going. And then there’s the fears — oh so many fears — fear of not being good enough, fear of having nothing to say, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success. Wow — aren’t we humans just wonderful swirls of complexity and contradictions??
When I think about at Push Week, I think about the simultaneous fear and desire to be pushed.
I have a lot of desires that Push Week feeds. The desire to write with others in the room, to set a big goal, take a big leap, to just do the thing.
And there’s also fear there. The fear of not being able to show up, the fear of having nothing to write once I get there. The pure resistance to the idea of being pushed. (My inner toddler self rears up and shouts, “I don’t want anybody pushing me, not even me!!!”)
Meeting my fears and desires with others makes me feel so incredibly good.
At the end of Push Week, I feel proud of myself. Part of that pride is because of those fears. I conquered something, even though it was hard.
I want that for myself and I want that for you. Whether it’s Push Week or something else, I want you to witness yourself doing something that is scary, but doing it anyway.
Push Week is coming up!
This is it! If a feel-good push into the things that scare you feels just right, we’d love to see you in October.
Low pressure.
Joy driven.
Lots of choices.
Sliding scale.
BIPOC Folks, we have an open mic coming up just for you!
Our annual BIPOC Open Mic is back! this is a free evening of sharing, connecting and celebrating the voices of Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour in our community.
This is a BIPOC-only event. Bring a piece to read, or just come to cheer each other on.
Two of our fall writing workshops still have space.
Later in October, Nina and I are running an online workshop for people who want to write a Short Story in a Weekend. It’s a good if you have no idea where to start, or if this is story #432.
Then in December, Asifa and I are running City Sanctuary: The BIPOC Edition — an in-person writing day for BIPOC folks who want to get away from it all.
Toronto area folks, come stand around a fire with us.
October 3rd, Withrow Park, come meet some of the team, make some new writing pals, and toast a marshmallow if that’s what you’re into.
The space is barrier-free and includes a wheelchair-accessible washroom and indoor space if we get rained out.
Free of course! And we could use a couple more volunteers if you’d like a little task. We’d love to see you there.
And a poem for you.
This one’s called “Variation on the Word Sleep” by Margaret Atwood.
I’ll leave you with the words of a song.
This is from a movie that I’m obsessed with — tick, tick... BOOM! The song is all about choosing between fear or love.
Cages or wings
Which do you prefer?
Ask the birds.
Fear or love, baby
Don't say the answer
Actions speak louder than words.
(You can watch it here.)
Wishing myself and yourself a pair of wings for whatever writing adventure is next.
In it with you,
