What’s really happening when you envy someone else’s writing.
Little green sprouts reaching for the sky. Photo credit Dilani Wickramanayake.
Hey friends.
Is this relatable to you?
You’re just starting to feel good about your writing. There’s a tug, a yes, relief — you’re doing it! And then… you pick up a book. Or you open a blog post. And it’s so damn beautiful. Suddenly, all that confidence waterslides away.
Hands up if you can relate! (I had to stop typing for a sec because both my hands were in the air.)
I wrote a newsletter years ago called “Writing makes us all into insecure little weirdos.” It went like this:
Writing is spectacularly vulnerable.
Of course we compare ourselves to others.
Of course that hurts.
But, it’s normal and it doesn’t have to stop us from writing. Push it away, get back to your own work.
I still like that message, but in the years since, I’ve grown new respect for that sticky little monster called envy.
I think it might be smarter than I was giving it credit for.
Here’s my new theory: When we envy someone’s writing, two things are happening.
First, there’s a sticky little temper tantrum. We’ve covered that. It’s childish, unhelpful, and also — completely fine. Hear me when I say that every writer I’ve ever talked to has a deeply rooted fear of not being good enough. Insecurity is part of the job.
Zadie Smith: “There isn’t really any solution to self-doubt. In the end, you just have to write and doubt simultaneously.”
Elizabeth Gilbert: “Your fear is the most boring thing about you.”
So, we breathe, and we listen.
Then, the second thing can happen. Truth us, this other person’s writing has woken something up for you. There’s something there, information about what matters to you, what you want.
Maybe they’re great at humour, and your writing is longing for some joy to balance out the hard parts.
Maybe they’re good at describing little details, and your writing has been rushing to the finish line.
Maybe they cut through to the taboo heart of the story, and your work has been unconsciously dancing the edges.
This is the true root of envy, the quiet voice that says: “I could do that too.”
The good news is — everything that words can do, you can do.
Nothing is off bounds. You can be sillier, you can be more honest, you can be slower, you can be deeper, sadder, funnier, weirder…. You have the entire language at your finger tips, and if you’re lucky, other languages too. There is so much space.
That tug of envy may be pulling you into something unfamiliar, but it’s not pulling you out of yourself. It’s probably leading you deeper in.
On the page, everything is for you. It’s probably already in you. Your task is simply to give it the conditions to grow.
Here’s my gentle homework for you.
Think of someone who’s work you envy. Maybe it’s someone you’ve been in a workshop with, or someone whose book you loved, or even whose social media posts tug your heart.
Closer eyes and breathe into that feeling. Can you feel past the mess, to the calling? Find a word for what you’re reaching for. What are they good at? What is calling you?
Now, here’s a prompt: “If I want to write with more _____, then the next step is…”
Want to try this out in good company? We have workshops.
We’d love to host you around a real table or a Zoom one, to grow as writers together.
3 workshops with Mari this summer
You can indulge in 8 weeks of gentle experiments in finding our voices with Keep Your Pen Moving.
You can experiment with writing itty-bitty true stories in Brief Bursts.
You can find yourself in a sandbox of words, designed for people who consider themselves “not writers yet” in Begin Here (1 spot left).
2 workshops with Kim this summer
You rocket a fiction idea forward with support and structure in The Fiction Workshop.
You can meet around a real life table (in an accessible and beautiful space) for 8 weeks of writing fun in Keep Your Pen Moving.
4 workshops with Asifa this summer
You can experiment with the wild world of poetic forms in Flight Paths.
You can journey into your sacred uncertanty in Letters to Courage in Uncertain Times.
You can find your writing flow and see where it takes you in Focus and Flow. (2 spots left.)
You can gather around a table in Toronto in City Sanctuary, May 31 - June 1.
2 workshops with Britt this summer
You can move a project forward with support and structure in Rising Tides.
You can write a whole bunch of real life stories in The Life Stories Workshop.
Britt also has space for 1-on-1 coaching clients. She is especially gifted at helping folks work through the messy middle of big projects, and find the other side.
1 workshop with Sophia this summer
Sophia is currently working with two wonderful The Big One groups, and is managing our Workshops For Organizations wing, but she has one new workshop coming up.
Permission Slip is a big, sweet invitation to write your own permission slips for the summer you’re longing for.
1 workshop with me this summer
I’ve been dreaming and scheming about this one for a long time and it’s finally here! Writing Our Way Back to Each Other is an exploration of community, creativity, and human connection. It will be in person, in Toronto.
And our teen summer camp is back!
We love helping young adults find and nurture their voices and visions. We’re bringing our teen program back, in person, for a week, in Toronto, with a reading/soiree to celebrate the writers at the end. Spread the news! We struggle to fill these programs since we don’t have a lot of teens on our list, but we deeply feel how important they are. All the info is here.
Finally, a poem.
Joy Harjo is one of my faves, and this poem eats my heart every time. I hope you enjoy it.
Can we end with this?
I’d love for you to give yourself grace the next time you feel envy creeping in.
Yes, we can learn from envy, grow in envy, work with envy… but it also just feels terrible. So big breaths, good food, taking breaks from writing — whatever helps slow you down is a good idea in these moments.
It will pass, like the weather, like the tide. And you’ve always got good company in that feeling.
In it with you,
